fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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