I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
