I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
