That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm like, not good at living.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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