i can't believe i had my finger in that
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
