this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
