As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
