In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
