he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He shit in the fireplace
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
