I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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