You're a womanizer and a bitch.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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