Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
