I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
