She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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