white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
