Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
