my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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