when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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