I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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