RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
