thus making me awesome and them whores
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
