Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
