I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
