You were right. It hurts to walk today.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
