the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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