i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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