so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
