Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
