allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
