My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
