A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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