She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
