Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
