Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
