you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
