a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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