you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
