I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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