hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
