I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
