There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
