Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
