You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
