OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
