So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
