i need an iv and a liver transplant
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
