I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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