How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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