I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
