hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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