i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
