Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The uberlube is also flammable
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
