Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
